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GRWM/STORYTIME: WHY I DON’T LIKE LA, SOCIAL MEDIA & SELF IMAGE AND ADULTING

What was going on man? I really wish. I could talk the things done but, like I know, he’s reading, I don’t hello, hello, hello, hello, no, okay, we’re going to get into this article done in um T minutes 35 point 38 seconds because I’m going somewhere, no we’re going somewhere. I want to vlog it. So I guess get your makeup ready. Let’s go the vlog to you at the same time right I’m filming the get ready with me article.

I have 34 minutes and 53 seconds because I’m now I’m going to look fire today. So I just thought that let me film the process, so everyone gets a chance to see me be me yay, but I got my hair done yesterday. Yeah bye, lovely, not round lovely girl, 1 provided the hair and other one did not, but they were both. So lovely and she was just saying like what happens – you don’t post anymore, I used to read you all the time and it’s like.

Oh basically, I fell off you know, so I need to get back on my horse and I feel like YouTube or something that I really enjoyed because it’s like nobody interrupts me when I’m speaking, I really hate when I’m talking and someone interrupts me when I’m doing Something and someone interrupts me and I feel like with YouTube. I just get to talk. I get to talk, but I have a look, however long I want to yeah, you can’t interrupt me.

All you can do is try and disrupt me in the comment section. You know I mean, but I could just delete and block you, okay, so I’m using the blush per se sunscreen and SPF 50, plus I’m just going to apply that at the rock face and like my hands anywhere that I know it was going to be showing Today revealing my hair, not just yeah yeah yeah, basically, and I’m not show she say, like those exact words like you – fell off what she just had said like talk to me that, what’s going on you, don’t you don’t I post like that anymore yeah, okay, I’m Just going to do like a brief little like life update on what’s been going on, yeah, what’s been going on with me.

Basically, so I took a really long break. I tried to like get by. I don’t feel like the timings right for me. If that makes sense, I just felt like I was experiencing a lot of things all at once, which isn’t? Are you going to go? Sorry back? I was a dull team and I’m not sure I was at 13. I used a Charlotte Tilbury magic cream yeah. I was a Dalton basically, and I didn’t quite like know how to handle it, because I just like finished uni and like my relationships with people, are just like the wind Earling just evaporating just up out of thin air.

Then I sort of like isolated myself and, like a lot of my friends when I don’t feel like good or like I’m, not happy about something I’ll just disappear, I will isolate myself and just be one myself. I just thought I don’t know anyone kind of thing. So I still of isolating – and I didn’t really want to do a lot of things – stayed by myself – writing for myself by myself in these streets, I’m drinking that Bradley was with me, but yeah.

I needed time for me man, I needed time for me and I really wish I could talk to Kingston but, like I don’t know, he’s reading, I don’t so yeah but let’s just say I was going through in it and then I got to come back home. Obviously, because uni was done and Mike can merge with my family, like figuring out how to like live with people, when you knew I did studio to Studio to studio like I’ve, never lived with people, and it was worth every penny.

I know I spent a lot of money on accommodation, but it really was worth every penny for me because, like I just got to well, I would say maybe I should have like lived no because kitchen sharing utensils with people. I can’t even still struggling to this day like I’ve got a nutribullet, yeah yeah, absolutely hate. We don’t like it. When someone uses it and like they leave there, you know it. The cup is that the blender comes on the cup.

Is the the thing that that you um you add you do what you could you do you wait? You want you, you could do so you you do you? Can you you want. You want them to. Do you so much you could do anything. The container is what you drink out phone so like we’re not going to make my smoothie my blender, and it’s not there, it’s just like what is going on what is all of this waste and all right when you want to use a buffer.

I consider I considered my consider I consider myself to be a sorry. I considered myself to be fairly confident kind of babes. You know what I mean like confident. A lot of things happened during that time to come and test to like show me that I need to readjust a couple of things there and like yeah, readjust a couple of things, and might maybe this way that you were doing things wasn’t ideal. You know, I said you know I think so yeah I was humbled I’d say I was humbled with the capital.

Hmm. I was in some very life humbling, humbling, humbling situations, cuz yeah, Madden, fruit, man, nothing through it and Bradley can testify. You know I feel, like you know what your life in life something’s always going to be happening. You know what I mean, I’m like I just have to just keep going. You know, relax. I was a BITC finish. The last two words lives, um yeah. I was meant a little one as I like yeah, so I needed to go through certain experiences.

It still hurts me to this day. I’M just happy I’ve gone through it now, because if I was like out like no it’s a shattering, I really wouldn’t wish that on my worst enemy that broke me perhaps just take time to think like I did, everyone was up. I couldn’t trust anyone and three months, even my mom. I thought she was in a play. I know it’s not the best thing to do but well scan. I do I mean I can speak to Radley, but at the same time I just feel like, obviously you know like your best friend your best friend by like how much can you offload onto one person, wait not to affect them.

You know I mean you know what and I’m thankful to have him in my life, because I just look at other people’s friends and I’m just like wow. This is who you have to speak to every day. That’S not sorry, but you know what this is you like sometimes, but let’s just say, I’m thankful where I’m like. I have someone there to like gee check me cuz. He does not, like you, tell me about myself, which is what is important anyway, anyway, anyway, anyway, anyway, anyway, anyway, today, today, it’s a what we’re doing today today today, today we’re going to an event yeah, I don’t um.

Do you know Laurel Messier? You don’t know how about like the company long last yeah yeah, I’m going to Lauren. I see an event today. I will be bringing brain, but the brain really guys you’re going to have to come on my vlog here, cuz bringing this DSLR out horrible, but yeah. What’S what’s new with me, what was I going to say right? So, let’s talk about the socials know what you know what I had a point back, I just actually missed it.

Your babies was confident confident, confident, like corn, GA, like Nyles confidence, do the situations that I was put in. Put myself in. I should take responsibility for my own actions, really just sucks the confidence out of me. So, like certain things that, like hack, my perception on everything just changed, as I said previously, and in particular my looks and in particular the way I would compare myself to people like the flow wouldn’t live like come out, compare ourselves people like that, you know what I mean I I just I just think I was bad plant I knew and like and no one could tell me.

No one could tell me that I wasn’t and if they did, I knew because it was a lack of love from your mom. That’S right, your chance to projects it onto me. Make me not love myself. You know my. I mean cuz like nomads, there’s a lack of love in that household. You live in, and you want to try and put it on me because anytime, someone does something like that. They, okay, I feel like human behavior, is summed up in my mind: you’ll either doing things because of a need for love or because you lack love.

You know I mean so bullies, bullying someone they either doing it, because they is a lack of love or a need for love and probably isn’t like love at home or people that just like laughter like be promiscuous. I know like that such such being sexually liberated is like a thing now you can do you want bomb loads, even man, I don’t mean no one seem at ease. If that happens, it happens in it bleh I don’t know, but it’s just not me.

I just feel like. Maybe this is touchy. Is it to you, but I don’t know just relax a bit man. It’S just a bit a bit like when people post their needs and stuff on you to our and call it like liberate him gosh. I didn’t do it then might as well just walk outside naked them for so liberating, but I’m yeah. So she was known that stuff. I feel like it’s a bit. It can be a bit soft Pony to in my eyes oh yeah, yeah yeah.

I just like a lot of things I like to do with lack of love or the need for love, but yeah like the way I looked at myself. Was it myself it wasn’t it wasn’t it like legit wasn’t it. I said what I said. She said WestEd cuz, I feel like okay, let me tell you, I feel like number one. The way I consume social media sometimes is not anyone like the comparison I’ll be doing this like it’s so quick. I’Ve already jumped to like at least 80 conclusions in one minute all evaluations in like one minute.

That’S too much and it’s too quick and that’s really not what like. I want for myself kind of thing but yeah the evaluations and I thought like sometimes people can be quite like sensitive but a lot of things, but just understanding, but I feel like then projecting your aunty. It’S actually not their problem. It’S like you need to make it your business to like work on what is white. You could do so much you sort of like telling people like you made me feel this way and it’s your fault in, like oh yeah, I just feel like just throw out yourself right.

What in you is making you feel like this person is responsible for that kind of feeling, because you kind of can’t control your responses. What are you making it this person’s problem? Sometimes I feel like that. I losing myself like I’ll get upset about something. Can I be like no, it’s actually not they’re not going to come and ruin my day or like meet me full attack away, where’s, my phone. Let me give you a quick demonstration on like how to handle the social minutes left your phone.

You hold it in your hand like that, and then you just put it down and walk away. That’S just legit how you handle it, especially weave, like trolls not going to lie sometimes yeah. So I’m going to say some things in this: like really really are lacking a lot of love. You’Ve lacked a lot of love in your life, but some of them do catch you by the throat, but at the same time, like it’s all character, building and training.

Yeah, I’m just saying is like don’t take things to heart. Man cuz, it’s just like social media, is deep. At the same time, it’s not. That is deep, but it’s not that deep to the point where you have nice deep still, but just understand a lot of people are fake, fake fake can be fake. I’Ve done it myself, they’ll say all this rubbish, but when it really comes down to it, nah baby nah bro. It’S leave like that.

You know I mean like that. You know I was just like you know how soldiers can be at the end of the day. They’Re they’re, the ones that need help and they’re done unless your job bit or you’re, like what you’ve told your self is today from this day forward, I’m an activist, my all means get angry. I mean show that passion be passionate, but if you’re just the everyday babes, you know you work a job coming on cookie clean me.

You do nothing. You know I’m saying like I just you’re doing you’re doing your teen babes save that energy for the side hustle. You have safer, please, I beg I beg of you absolutely beg of you. I understand, but most of the time me I’ll just be like oh wow that was safe and I’m not about my business. That’S why I I just I don’t. I don’t really like to get involved two months. I looking at three. God bless you.

I really hope you get the love you’re looking for, but I’m not going to entertain this today. Yeah yeah and this whole process is a work in process progress process. It’S a long for you know, I’m trying to say so long process. You know but yeah. You know, okay, since that option is coming about here. My life, my life, my life, my life, my life ever since meeting people wow that function, that function is really something something dangerous, because I really be forgetting like about this person actually exists.

You know I mean absolute madness that mute function, you use it abuse it use it specie use, be she be using the social media of like the brain. Obviously I understand it can make. You feel a little bit insecure by understand. Like there’s this choice, there’s twisting that there’s a little bit of choice power. You know I mean because who’s holding the phone who’s holding the phone. I am I’m holding the phone.

Guess what puts it if I put it down, I will no longer be looking there and at some point those feelings will subside and I just have to work through them and use it in a way. That’S come back. Come back compatible me. You know I’m saying, but sometimes like just cool off from the blaming it on other people and my taking responsibility for stuff. You know I mean I’d, say the people do that kind of stuff too.

Well that when they say sorry for something when you were, you knew what you were given more time when people say sorry it’s because they got caught in the act or sometimes actually is that Rockette was being mind ignorant like. I am sorry please, please unrealistic. Please accept my apology fully slaps like I’m not going to like that. I can get mad about certain things like you know how Beyonce’s bumblebees bumblebees The Beehive for beehive, like anyone that talks that rubbish about their and like their Bonnie.

The only I see like if they’re special cooling needs to be passionate about my feelings, but you don’t say: do it by all means, but just understand that the consequence is going to lie on you terms of like the stressors on your body. It’S going to be on you, that’s one thing that I will say about like with fighting fighting fighting fighting, why you seduced SJW in my my early days, and I want the I sat down.

I said ah every day, I’m out of breath, I’m annoyed I’m angry. I wan na fight everyone or it’d, be like what just sat down and chilled for a bit and just enjoy life chair journey and I was like wow sweet. Let’S keep doing so, I would say my break really taught me and to relax on a sentence. Relax on certain things were then job. Basically, now it’s to be active and to post a lot like that, and it’s just like balance.

That’S 1226. My cab is coming out to 50/50. You know, I should become the Charlotte, so be magic cream. Oh god, I’ve tried the Fenty setting spray. I like the way it diffuses the products out. I don’t like the ones that, like really like release, you know, I mean very aggressive in the desp’rate, the supremen’t. You know I mean very aggressive. I do not particularly want to get involved in any of the sort I’m really like here I feel like it gives me.

I don’t know if is meant to be mad, but when I use this I see more soft. I still love of the bronzer love me that told me. I wasn’t into that German drilling dance with that stuff. You know what I liked it and then I got to a point, as I actually drew in my heart, it’s drooling. On my end. It’S all that chap stuff I just like left it behind, because the place that I was in any lyric that would just remotely like sure I got any situate.

Wasn’T China here II wasn’t trying to hear it. I feel like um um they’re mentally Sunday’s is kind of questionable some days it’s a little questionable, but I cavern, I don’t even want to say the words I really don’t wan na say the words but I’m like I was just getting into him cuz. I just feel like he offered on a gold-plated diamond encrusted platter. A completely different a draw track is a dual track.

It’S going to make you feel a type of way. You know I mean but his voice on top of that, just really took it to a different kind of a different element in its own. Nothing compares nothing competes in my eyes. You can fight amongst yourself, where my eyes just nothing compared. I feel like sometimes American artists on, like UK sounding tracks or like afro beats music, doesn’t really sound right to me.

I don’t feel like it. It’S not much. You know I mean it’s not. It doesn’t flow to me. So I just don’t really like paying attention to her and it was the same with him as I like his music, like I’d, hear that welcome to the party song and I just used to grind Nike any time I buy from a player. So how you keep doing this guy, can you stop? I was in the cab going to here’s one day I was like. Let me just listen to it for myself and see how it is I’ll.

Let you know if it’s snaps or not. Obviously I put in my airports: I’ve lost one of my airports but she’s so annoying so like I’m going to use one, I don’t know that other one is anyway, so I played it now. Was it happily dual and I heard that I’m a foot get me lid. I said like I’m on it. Whoever this man is, I’m packing my bags, I’m ready to meet the room. I just kept slack up, saying, let me getting it yeah and my boyfriend where’s.

This coming from because last time I checked I’m getting late. What do you actually want me to do come on from there? Like? I just went, you know how I found out was in bed and I was on my Instagram and then, if you guys don’t know, I love me a bit, and sometimes I don’t know I don’t like what he’s doing with Kennedy or like green keys anywhere. Some other topic in itself: do you um? I was just scrolling they’re, not.

I saw DDG posted him and I was like. Why is he personally like what’s happened, and then I really love paragraph and then he’s like rest in peace. I said no, no! No! No! So he’s like he’s passed, they so rest in peace, really hope you shaking up there. Sometimes when I go up, I just feel really sad and weak. I didn’t know him like that, but you know how music is spiritual, music, really like touches you, the person doesn’t have to be there in the room present with you for them to have an impact on your life yeah and he had too much to do.

He had way too much to do absolutely, and I heard guys sometimes they can be a bit, but he seemed like a good guy. He was like wholesome he was inside his coat, I’m something like. I knew him but like just from what I’ve seen Mike he was into this culture. He wasn’t like afraid to. Let them know you shouldn’t find him or you know what I mean these other rappers, that I hear they’re just I don’t know, but it’s just one of a kind unique like just one of one and 20 year old, only 20 years old.

He was just a boy, he looked like a man, but a boy he’s okay, too, and his friends could rest in peace. Dough is like. I haven’t been able to cry cry like that, because I feel, like a BITC finish, the last two legs, because I just want his music so like. But if you like sugar tea, you know what I can’t explain it, but I just feel like I’ve been holding back my tears and it’s not coming out, and I don’t know what to do by I’ll, be telling my offspring about this as soon as they’re able To have a back-to-back dialogue, a back-to-back that we will be popping some smoke, we absolutely because this one yeah after Michael Wow – I don’t.

I can’t do it again and that’s what I don’t really like like liking celebrities too much like that. That makes sense. I don’t want to do out of like by force cuz if they go with. Like I don’t know, I get really attached and a little bit like obsessive and my life, just isn’t the same. She’S really been bothering me, I’m just really hope they catch the person. Give him a sentence anyway, this Marc Jacobs, lipstick lip gloss in pre, please pretty thing lotty for a year and then now it’s time for my hair.

As for my outfit yeah right, my thing is: I’m trying to stop spending funds money money on materialistic items, I’m trying to save like stuck up my claims, I’m fighting it out here. Please, like it out sorry about the lighting, but I’m trying to get out of here to my own lovely place, but I’m so that the dress code for today is pastel colors. I don’t really own anything sensibly pass to like that.

So I’m just going to wear white queen it’s kind of past all right! Also, I’m thinking yeah, I’m just going to do an updated foundation routine and upload it clear! Well, I’m going to do an updated foundation, skin routine and foundation routine. So you can see how I do not going to like, though I do feel a little bit better speaking about like pop smoke. You just know what you expecting. You hear that name and name these new records.

Could these new rappers could never these new rappers could never I’m right now and I listen to like well, these new rappers and stuff is just like. Oh, I thought like I’ll fight for him. Okay, you know what I understand my people going on like the shade room and do that kind of stuff not going to library like that the other day, but I was going for his comments and most display was like. Don’T you want to say he said something really like just I’d read all know if he, if he was allowed, you’d never left.

I have the energy film fame energy to have lots of those words. You know what I mean, but I actually went to. I went to go and reply and down because this is too much who this is not me. Absolutely not me from that. I was like yeah a bit tact because I was ready to fight fights on the net. I a stranger, never met this person in my life and I was ready to know I care, I don’t care, I mean how actually dare you, how dare you on the day on the day long words are trying to learn as still kind, and you want to Talk to all that green, giving it all that I’m in there now this one has really really really 2020s meant to be a clear vision you and that any places why yeah should I even tell you what happened all right? Should I tell you what happened? You know our eyes are really messed with the vibe in Italy.

I don’t feel like a good bet for a very long time. I survived, there’s just no flag. I was walking. Don’T ask me how I ended up in my Constantine good yeah. Why was I in between the two I was walking with my boyfriend, cuz, okay, the halter that I booked. It said, Hollywood Hills on it and when I got there I said this is nowhere near Hollywood. I looked on the map. It said I saw Compton and I already know from the movies the vibe I wan na go home tonight, she’s not going to smile to my health.

I’Ve never held myself so tired. I was like wow I need to go. I need to go. I need to go. I need to go. I need right now I get food yeah. Okay, I am a black Ghanian millimeter chocolate, darling British woman yeah me personally. I mean I’ve grown up in like Kurdish areas with areas, but I never part I never partook part ached part took us in any activities which were a league. I mean we all stolen, which I don’t know I stole, and I was okay, because it’s not a topic in itself.

I never part talking like a legal, so my favorite color was red. My favorite color was emphasis on was was red. As I had a red phone, my boyfriend, he had red shoes on so we’re walking to get food. We come out of the hotel entrance bus left and do another left and then we’re walking down the main road because as a restaurant at there and once get food to eat, so they’re walking, walking, walking, walking, walking, walking, walking okay about 10 seconds.

The lanes on these American highways – I like six lanes long, they drive doggies, it’s a really nice car, but I don’t know I don’t know bit traumatized my business anyway. Doggies yeah, so they’re dry, face and they’re looking at us like this they’re driving and they looking like this. They just go and I just keep looking us and screwing us. Why do you send someone in my mind? I thinking why they staring son? What’S going on son, I was like babe, I he’s just me or do you feel like people keep staring off slight in that cars and he this I don’t know, I worry about him – sometimes he’s so oblivious to a lot of things.

So he was like nothing like. No, I don’t think you’re calm you could do with me. Sake keeps happening on one car, one gray one stops and does a u-turn and comes all the way around. Oh Indy, you came and some of those are you turn you’re. Just thinking that for directions they lost mommy might owe me a fly. Outfit M is looking good and they want to find out where you’re from you know. I mean America now when someone does u-turn.

I’M me past me. I know it’s not good. Any kind of a good sign for me so my hands already up in the air – I don’t know smack. I don’t want no smoke daddy smoke. I want pop smoke, but I want no smoke so I’ve stops. I’Ve stopped my boyfriend. It’S just slow down, walking the columns and rows of window down. There’S a man – and I say I’m not any kind of a man, I’m 40 years plus of age in a bouquet – and he says these words.

I don’t forget you’re, my man, you do the accent. Sorry, hey yo, my man where you from and it is mrs., is in the passenger seat. Dude. My boyfriend goes from London, I’m like Great Britain, my foot, my British British. Oh, you know this is a creek area right me and, like high-pressure Fergalicious gangster ish in the situation snow, I’m not built for that. I don’t want to be a good killed dating like a good guy.

I don’t I don’t like that. I don’t want that kind of stress in my life I want. I want a happy peaceful life. He said you know this is a krip area right a suit. I told you my heart, true what else I’m not going to add. I thought I was going to faint. I really thought I was going to faint. I thought what yeah you can’t be doing all that red over here then it’ll hold me sorry, they would have shot you by now.

I said, shot shots much alcohol sure I mean pew pew pew, my wavin shut. No, I need to go home today and he was like yeah lucky, I’m telling you the battery screw, and I think this is this is chosen as a partner this and you yourself. I mean I know, I know this Sunday’s Sundays, you where you are gagging for a pair of loops, and this is the life you’ve chosen. I need to get out of here immediately.

I offered him our gratitude. I grabbed on to my man. That’S a book. It means write what I wrote about my name that day I cancelled the hotel. We went we saved in the back of a completely different area, never again because we’re wearing shoes and notorious – and it just got me thinking this like I’m sure they don’t like being targeted and profound. You know what I mean, but you do it to yourself cause.

It’S like just because they’re black, you assume that you profile us because you’re black, I’m sure, like a white person, who’s wearing that red, they would like not rush by their full spot because you’re black, they just assumed we were from the area or not something. The area I mean who trying to like just start something kind of thing, and I just got me thinking that man was forties. Well, god bless him in his family, but he’s mad look a bit mad.

I was like you know. I really can’t no! No. I have to go home as soon as it came for the day for me to leave. I was up sticks again. My breakfast, I left my bag. I had a pit. Stop in Amsterdam, slept in like a hotel, comfortable bed had a shower got my plane. I left left leaving it behind me, god. I want to thank you for reading over asked that day, but Wow, and I want to thank mr. Old man Crick for coming up for tenant, because you know just imagine that, like you’re, really out there doing holiday, Phil boyfriend and then gang members I’ll come in To shake he wasn’t shaken, but meows sugar, sugar.

I couldn’t even eat the room, that’s something that I don’t play with. I don’t play with that. Gangsta spicy, as he said, lady I’m just I’m ready. I even off my time right now and then you realize American people. They were different life right, let’s get into her now so this her. I love it, but what I want to say I feel like we can all see it. I’M going up. So I’m going to have to wear it yeah. What I’m going to say, though, is the girl that did the dye job on this.

She didn’t take my time. The hair is lovely. There killed a little boy, the dye job, I’m going to have to work. My magic cuz, I used to dye hair a lot and it’s not yet, especially in pictures up, I’m not sure if you can see in the camera, but I’m probably just going to like I don’t know if I should like have it all slicked back. I feel like it’s too: do you see what I mean? Cuz cuz, you know six, one, three don’t hold a car doesn’t hold a car, but I love this hair.

Look! Okay! I’Ll! Leave all the hair details down below. I don’t know if you call it the hair, but I’m going to have to go in and color it again cuz. I need a deep here until after we’re looking through the footage and yeah. This is madness. Man. Let me let me switch my battery and I’ll. Come rock a buddhist co-, I see a fantasy

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By Jimmy Dagger

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