Fabulously mine has started out uncomfortably because I’m doing this year live article. I am not yet at a place of conscious competence, no unconscious competence with live articles, my comfort zone. I have identified when it comes to recording articles is still very much in the pre-recorded phase of article making, as opposed to these live articles.
So this is me you are witnessing me stretching myself far out of my comfort zone, where I am feeling less than confident than I usually am and yeah aren’t you likely to see this unveiling itself so today I wanted to show you five myths about confidence that We all just assume you know we have all these ideas about what confidence is, and I want to talk a little bit about these five myths as a way to empower ourselves and to recognize when we are in a place of you know falling under the spell Of these myths and not really recognizing how they are impacting us and how we’re showing up in the world, hello, Natalie, yay laughs – this is me doing live article as opposed to pre-recorded, for once, thanks for joining me, what time is it there in Australia or New Zealand, sorry, New Zealand, and so I’m not going to wait for people to join because I’d rather then it just be me and you Natalie, you know I’m quite happy having that conversation, so the five myths of confidence, the first one being that oh, it’s 10 p.
M. There, okay awesome so almost bedtime for you Natalie so and maybe what you can right there natalie is what and myths or what misconceptions you have about confidence and how it impacts your experience of being a confident woman, because I think that might be an interesting thing To discuss, but in the meantime, five myths about confidence, the first one being that I’m born or confidence. The confidence that you are born with is the confidence that you are stuck with, and that is just not the truth.
If you think that confident people, if you look at somebody who is a confident person, you think that they’ve always been that way. I’M here to tell you today that that is not the case. They have not always been confident. So there has been research done by very academic and sciency type people into the topic of confidence and whether we are born with it or whether we are not. And while there is some truth in the in the in this myth of being born with confidence there.
There are some genetic tendencies that will determine whether somebody is confident overall or not and what it comes down to. Essentially – and I don’t know the technical jargon – cuz – I’m not a scientist, but it’s something to do with receptors in your brain and there are three kinds – and I will I will get the names of these things and I will write these down in a blog post. In the future, but there’s three kinds of these receptors in your brain and depending on the size of these receptors, will determine how much of an outgoing and gregarious and leader type person personality.
You tend to have versus how much of a a person with anxiety or insecure, or somebody who looks to other people for leadership, and this study was done in some in a lab with monkeys, and I forget the name of the monkeys. I really need to remember these things where they could identify that. Yes, the monkey who had this type of receptor in their brain tended to become the you know, a leader in the troop, whereas the monkey with the smaller or the shorter receptor in the brain became was one of those monkeys who stuck with its mother and was Shy and timid when it came to interacting with the rest of the troop.
So yes, we do have that as far as being born with our confidence but reign through our you know upbringing through our experiences in life as a child. We learn certain things and we are actually able to mold our our confidence, but it does take especially when we get to adult age. It does take effort and intention on our part. So certainly, events in our childhood are going to impact our confidence for sure, because we’re going to make those those events and experiences mean something.
But then, as we get into you know an independent and self-aware adult we can. We can go back and we can look at those events and re reframe them and redefine them and make them mean something else that is more serving and we are also able to instill practices that help us rewire, our brains, the neural pathways in our brains. So the confidence – and I mean that’s so exciting because it means that the confidence that you’re born with is not the confidence you have to stick with for the rest of your life.
You are able to change it and that is so empowering, don’t you think, and just looking at Natalie, yes, confidence can be learned, hello, Caroline and so let me know in the comments, Natalie and Caroline what your take on that is. Did it was that a mess that your head bought into that you believed that the confidence you were born with is the confidence you’re stuck with and then let’s look at comp.
Myth number two myth number two confidence myth number two you either are confident or you’re. Not it’s a black and white thing total myth. That is not true in any way. You are not. You know you are not specifically a confident person and a not confident person. You can’t look at two people and decide that this person is confident and that person is not confident. There is a lot of gray area that comes with confidence, and the reason is, is that confidence spends so many parts of our experience of life.
Our experience of reality and and it’s not a one size fits all, and it’s not you know equal across all those areas of our life and our experience of life. I might be confident in taking people’s photos naturally, because I am a photographer and I have a lot of experience in that realm and yet I might completely feel complete lack of confidence in the kitchen when I’m cooking cuz. I don’t have much talent in that regard and I don’t put a lot of effort into that.
So my confidence levels when it comes to cooking like gourmet meals, it’s nowhere near as high as my confidence when it comes to taking photographs of people. So confidence is contextual, it depends on the context and also in my mind, confidence has different. There are different sides. Confidence is body, confidence, your physical appearance, and you know the the shell that we are presenting to the world and that which we are being judged by others on hole, tena worms, a confidence that comes up there then there’s mind confidence.
It’S that talk that goes on between our ears, that is either helping us or hindering us and depending on the quality of that in our head and the thoughts that we encourage or the thoughts that we entertain will determine whether our thinking is that of a confident Person or not, and then there’s also what I call soul, confidence which is kind of the more rourou stuff which really relates to like the bigger meaning of life stuff, it’s the the higher self stuff that really speaks to our well.
You know why are we here? What is what is my purpose, what is my, what is my gift to the world and and how aligned we are to that? So for me, there’s those three aspects of confidence and you might be confident when it comes to your soul. Confidence, like you know exactly what your purpose on this planet is, and yet you might have very low body confidence, because you are basing too much extreme extrinsic value on other people’s opinion of your appearance, and so there might be a mismatch there.
So confidence is not a across-the-board thing. You might be confident in one area and not confident in another, and so anybody that you look at you label as a confident person yeah in this particular instance. They might be confident but put them in an unknown environment with people they don’t know or you know, ask them a question that they haven’t considered before they probably aren’t going to be as confident as you first thought: hey, Candace, um, hey brainy, look at us talking Again, for the second time today, I just interviewed Briony to find out what confidence means to her and what a phenomenal conversation the that recording will be going out in June.
So I’m so excited to say that that’s going to be awesome, so confidence, myth number three extroverts are confident. Introverts are not total crap, not true at all. Just because people who we perceive to be extrovert are loud and they like to be the center of attention, and they you know they yeah. They are the person at the party that enjoys being seen. They enjoy having other people paying attention to them.
For the duration of the party, that is not a guarantee of their level of confidence, in fact, sometimes their extraversion might be a mask that they put on to hide their lack of confidence. So something that you see you know in somebody at face value may not be the authentic truth of who they are and then vice versa, an introverted person just because they are the person setback and in the corner of the room observing all of the other people.
Mingling and socializing, and being loud and laughing, and all of that kind of thing just because they are quietly standing in the corner, observing doesn’t mean that they are not confident. Essentially when it comes down to introvert and extrovert. It’S where the person gets their energy from like an extrovert tends to thrive on the energy of being the center of attention and an introvert tends to get their energy from being on their own and being introspective and reading a book or whatever.
The case is that’s. How they feel centered that’s how they feel grounded to who they are, and just because we might read an introverted person as quiet and insecure and lacking confidence. They might just be quietly observing you know, reading everybody and they’ve got. They are seriously in no way lacking confidence, so just but if you’re a quiet person doesn’t mean you’re lacking confidence. You are secure in who you are you accept that you’re an introvert you, you acknowledge it.
You understand where you get your energy from and in that acceptance there lies your confidence, so don’t judge somebody on their extraversion or their introversion as to their correlation to confidence, because you never really know what is going on behind what we can see on Facebook. You does anybody relate to that. Maybe comment in in the comments see I’m doing I’m trying out all of these Facebook live things that I see.
Other people do so, let me know in the comments whether you’re, an extrovert or an introvert, and whether you’ve ever related that to your confidence levels. The confidence myth number four confidence is all about how you look yeah Briony says she completely relates. Thank you, um yeah. So when I started out on this confidence crusade of mine, it the in the the instigator the catalyst for this journey was my portrait photography and so naturally, when I’m photographing somebody I’m photographing their their outer form, their extrinsic layer, you know and what it looks, what They look like that is what I am capturing for them, and it was an interesting process for me and they’re catalysts of that got me onto this journey was seeing that my the the work that I was doing was allowing these women to see themselves differently because They had an image in their mind of what they looked like.
They were judging their physical appearance and very harshly, I might say, and they were judging their physical appearance based on what they thought. Other people were thinking about them, so their locus of validation was all external to them, other people’s opinions they based so much emphasis on what people thought of them and their physical appearance and like as women. It’S obvious that we would do that because we are being bombarded with magazine covers with advertisements with Instagram feeds of a certain type like a certain body shape and a so definition of beauty, and we are consciously or subconsciously taking on board that that’s what beauty looks Like and we’ve been Fiddler’s ever since we were able to identify that that is a woman versus that is a man and because we were being fed very intentionally a certain image of a woman.
We started to internalize that. That’S what beauty looks like. That is what I should be aiming for. So it’s no wonder that nine times out of ten clients that come to me for portraits are already apologizing that they aren’t photogenic before the cameras even come out. They’Re apologizing that they’re not photogenic. They explain that they hate. Having their photos taken and they shy away, they like to be on the other side of the camera.
Photographing their families and they’d rather be the side of the camera, and that, for me, was so sad that that, for me, was really really sad. And while we place a lot of emphasis, because it is the most obvious like area of confidence – is our physical appearance, confidence is not only about our appearance. That’S probably the starting point like where it’s most obvious, because we can visually see it.
We can, you know, compare how we look to somebody else and make a judgement based on that, and invariably the pattern is that we find ourselves lacking and but confidence is deeper than just our appearance. That’S just a surface level. Our appearance is just a surface level. Before I started this this work, I thought that confidence was being able to wear a dress that I like and walk into a room and not care what other people thought about me like.
That was as deep as my definition of of confidence with wind. Now that I’m doing you know now that I do a bunch of research and I read constantly and I’m understanding that confidence is it’s so much deeper, very much deeper than just that. It is about recognising your abilities, your talents, it’s about understanding, your holistic self you’re, like all your weaknesses, all your strengths, it’s about loving each one of those is about accepting them.
It’S about celebrating all parts of you outside of any other people’s expectations or definitions. It’S about just getting to that place of authentic truth in yourself, it is about taking action. In spite of fear, it’s about doing face book lies when you’d really. Rather, there was nobody reading and you could record it and you can edit and you can cut out all the UNH’s and r’s and the purpose it is about believing that you can go out and become anything your imagination confer them anything if you want to.
If you want to change yourself for the better, for the positive confidence is believing that you can do that that you will find a way, and so it’s more than just your physical appearance, that’s one aspect of it. It is not the whole deal. Are you feeling me are you? Are you resonating here? Oh hello, hello, how are you Helga Sears relate definitely energised by being alone out, so we’re talking about the introversion but you’re a dichotomy an extroverted introvert can be can be when need to be enjoyed listening.
Ah, thanks Helga and going back to that point, I totally relate to that Telegraph. I’M an I define myself as an ambivert, so some days, I’m an extrovert other days, I’m a complete introvert and I celebrate both of those. I acknowledge both of those I recognize when I need to go into each of those. Sometimes I love getting energy from other people and being as loud and look at hands like the bigger my hands get the more extroverted.
I am feeling in that moment, but then other times like put me in front of my computer and I’m happy just to nerd out and do some coding and all kinds of crap and yeah so and Candice says I would love to. I love pro photos taken of me but beyond petrified, never mind the physical image, but the inner confidence shows on the outside totally the feedback I most often get when I take portraits. Is that somehow I managed to capture the essence of the women that I photograph and I fully believe – and I will say this forever – I’ve said it ever since I started photography.
Is that when it comes to portrait photography, it is 80 % technical skills. No sorry see, I would have edited that out. If this was a pre-recorded article, it is 20 % technical skills and 80 % people skills. Sir, when it comes to a client coming into my studio, I put so much energy and love into making them feel as comfortable as possible. Leave the camera, like don’t even get the camera out for at least an hour before the shoot and just focus all energy on creating their safe space, holding the space for this woman who is coming and feeling very vulnerable.
And I truly believe that that is how I’m able to capture the essence and that I’m told I capture, so your confidence is on the inside and it reflects on our outside and thank you briny. I appreciate the support and encouragement and then myth number five and you have to be successful to be confident who this is a heavy one. For me, this comes up a lot and because the irony, the irony of putting all of my effort and energy into being a confidence Crusader, is that so many times I don’t feel confident and I’ve had to battle many many gremlins in my mind in this journey That come up and say who the hell.
Do you think you are that you can talk about and you can teach and you can encourage other women to be confident when today, you’re not feeling confident like that is such a real? That is such a reality. For me that comes up regularly and – and my ego was like no – we have to get to that point of 100 percent confident before we can ever try and encourage other women to be confident and I’ve realized that complete company there is this, like expectation that has Been created through social media that life and business and everything is glorious and gleaming and glamorous and everybody has all their together and that’s like that’s what we need to aspire to.
While that has a place, I think in motivation and inspiration. It is miniscule like it’s a drop in the ocean. The reality is that when it comes to confidence, you the day that you stop learning how to become a confident person is the day you take your last breath because it is a daily ongoing journey and some days are going to be better than others. Like some days, you feel like you can take on the world and other days you don’t even want to like get your head out from underneath the duvet, and the irony in this journey is that this has been the most expansive experience.
For me, the most vulnerable experience I’ve ever had because I’ve had to not only face my own confidence issues very privately. But I’ve had to step it up a bit and and begin to face. Those like with others like share the vulnerability and not and and and my commitment to myself, was to never put it out there that I’ve got all my together and to put it out there that I’d sorted out my confidence issues.
My commitment has always been to share very authentically that yep some days are good. Some days are bad, I’m here as a copilot with you to help you create more confident days than not because that’s the reality of the situation and I have found in my practices my you know my learnings – that there is a toolbox of taken and practices that You can use to ensure that you’ve got more good, confident days than bad confidence days and as with anything in life.
What you put in is what you get out. You can never do a technique once or you know, have one aha moment and think that’s it. I’M set for life, I’m now confident it doesn’t work like that. It is what are you going to do today, then? What are you going to do tomorrow? What are you going to do on Wednesday? What are you going to do? What those you basically make it? A confidence, it’s a pro confidence lifestyle that you get into and like just like some days going to gym is easy.
Other day is not so much same thing with your confidence, and so my commitment with this has always been that I’m you know confidence, you don’t have to be the Guru. You don’t have to be the expert to be able to be confident and to be teaching confidence or whatever the field is that you’re in and and you don’t have to have made it yet before you can start helping other people on your journey. The the biggest aha moment I had in this journey was realizing that all I need to do is to be two or three steps ahead of somebody on a parallel journey, because then I can turn back to them and give stretch out my hand and help them To get to where I am and then together we can go forward, so you don’t have to be the expert in your field in the world before you start helping people before you can show up as your most confident self.
No, you work on your confidence daily and you look around you and you see. Who can I help? Who can I stretch out my hand, for who can I give a stepping stone to so and in fact, the more confident the more you work on your confidence? The more successful you will get, so you don’t wait for success before you work on your confidence. You work on your confidence in order to get successful. So that’s my thought about myth, number five, and what do you think hey Megan Bryan? It says we are all a work in progress.
If any of us waited for perfection, we would never do anything. Totally. Perfection perfection, it’s a one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine ten! It’S a dirty 10-letter word like we should X made that out of our vocabulary. Now it’s a disgusting word disgusting. The P word, let’s not use it anymore. Meghan says totes needed this reminder this morning, glad to be reminding you of this and Candace is struggling with success, feeling below the average.
Regarding my skills or personality yeah, that’s a that’s an uncomfortable place to be, and it’s a self judgment you are deciding. You are making that judgment, Candace that you are and below-par hey, Simon. Well, we’ve got a boy in the group wow, that’s interesting! How you do it and Helga says sometimes success can be driving us to be accepted. I find it doesn’t necessarily mean someone is confident because they are successful.
Absolutely absolutely just like work. We said with the extraversion that might be a friend that they put on and then like. They seem on the outside to be very successful and then they go home and they cry because they’ve been misaligned like they haven’t, been true to themselves all day because they’ve been putting on this act. They’Ve been putting on this show it’s all fake, and so your success doesn’t necessarily mean they are confident and yes, P, word Candice is myth.
Number five is key. Number one need confidence to be successful. Yes, absolutely work on your confidence. For me, confidence is like the foundation. You have to build that solid foundation for from the ground up for anything else to have any chance of flourishing of growing, because if you keep your eye there and you’re aiming for that success, or you know that that ideal life but you’re doing nothing in terms Of developing your confidence or developing your personal resilience or your resourcefulness or anything like doing the the personal work, the personal development work that is going to be very and fickle and and you’re going to define yourself by your degree of success or lack of success.
Because you haven’t really identified who you are because, through this personal development journey, that’s where you really connect with your authenticity and when you are fully grounded in your true authenticity. All of this other staff actually loses power over you. You you no longer define yourself by your success or your lack of success, or you know in whatever area of life and because then it becomes just about you yourself, your higher self, your meaning.
That’S all confidence that I was talking about that, ultimately, where we want to get you to get to that place of complete and utter intrinsic soul, confidence that we know in our heart of hearts that we are worthy regardless of what is happening outside of us. Regardless of what you know, all these other societal definitions of success are so that is my five myths on confidence. To recap. Number one.
The confidence I’m born with is the confidence I’m stuck with number two. You either are confident or you’re, not it’s a very black and white number. Three extroverts are confident and introverts are not number. Four confidence is all about how you look and number five. You have to be successful to be confident, so I hope you enjoyed these busting. These myths of confidence, let me know which one resonated with you the most, because if it kind of pained, if it, if you felt like oh yeah, that one that one got me here, then that’s probably the one that you need to do.
The most work with. Maybe you need to journal about it and see why? Why did that one hit you the most and and then yeah? Let me know in the comments how you see that impacting your confidence and how you’re showing up in the world – maybe maybe you couldn’t see how it’s holding you back from really showing up and really making the impact that you were destined to be. And so let me know so, my official facebook live it’s not as bad as what I thought, and so I will be doing more and in fact I plan to do one on Wednesday, Wednesday afternoon and and I’d like to do a Q & A call.
So if you’ve got any questions about confidence, anything that comes up after today’s call, let me know send me comments like post your questions and Anita’s article or send me a DM, and I will look to answer those questions that come up for you. If you’ve got any questions now pop them in the comments and I’ll gladly see, if I can answer them for you, Elmarie say thanks for this article v, one reason eight at the most okay, so you you have to be successful to be confident.
Let’S work on that out Laurie, let’s change that be confident and then you will be successful and Brian EC is the one that resonates the most is that you either have confidence where you don’t, but more than that, it’s the three types of confidence that you defined: That really resonated with me ya body, confidence, mind confidence with soul. Confidence canvas is all of the above resonated with her yeh and you’re.
So welcome. Thank you for letting me be live, and I like this. This is like we’re chatting over coffee and in fact I’ve got my coffee mic here and like yeah. This is what we do. In fact, talking of coffee, I’ve got a if you’re in the Cape Town area and have a over coffee confidence. Conversation happening next week, Tuesday at the Slug and Lettuce here in Observatory. So if you want to come and chat, we’re going to be talking about resistance and how resistance is stopping you from taking action, that builds your confidence and so it’s a free event come along.
Let’S do this in person much more connecting that way and yeah. Oh. The other thing I wanted to tell you about exciting is that I have a competition. I’M running a competition this week, okay, so the competition is for you and a fringe two of you together, because I know as girls we like to go to the bathroom together. We we pretty much. Do everything together you and you’ll be is yes, can win a spot on my confidence workshop for women, which was happening on the 26th of May? That is next week Saturday, it’s going to be held at the yoga sentry in constantia.
It’S going to be a whole day of working through all the tools, the techniques we’re going to be looking at the change process. If you want to change something about yourself, what does that look like giving you a framework we’re going to look at your body? Confidence? How can you start to change the way you see yourself, your physical appearance, we’re going to look at mind confidence? How can you start to rewire your brain neuroplasticity, we’re going to give you tools and techniques for starting to change the way that your brain talks to itself, and so that you can think more confident thoughts and then, ultimately, soul, confidence connecting you to the deeper essence Of you, like your Higher Self, you already have all of the answers.
You just need to peel away all of these layers so that you can see them, and so we’re going to be true, doing tools and techniques for helping you reconnect to your soul. Confidence going to be an amazing day, I’m so excited because there are hard moments for me, like goosebumps, there’s going to be a goose bumps all day, so don’t shave because we know what happens when we get goose bumps just leave.
Leave your legs hairy and it’s going to be awesome. We’Re going to connect with each other we’re going to have fabulous, healthy, treats and you’re going to get a photo new profile picture, courtesy of mark, so the competition this week you and a buddy can win that. So all you need to do is comment on this article tag, the friend that you want to take to the workshop with you, and let me know why you want to work on your confidence.
How will your confidence, if you were to elevated? How would that make your life or your business different and better? How would your reality change if you were to be able to notch up your confidence one or two notches? Let me know why you want to work on your confidence. You can enter as many times as you want, so you can tag if you’ve got 16 BFFs tag each one of them, and you leave me 16 reasons why you want to work on your confidence.
Cheese and C’s applies that competition is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Facebook, just saying and then yeah, that’s it oh and then I should tell you so there’s going to be some goodie bags as well. We’Ve got some vouchers you’re going to get a voucher from sublime skin and body so that you can go and pamper yourself, because that is something you should be doing on a regular basis. You’Re going to get free access to my online conscious confidence course, which you will have lifetime access to you’re, going to get 15 % off any photo shoot that you book with me, you’re, going to get 200 grand off of a consultation with the image consultant.
Who is going to help you dress in a way that reflects your personality authentically and with confidence and a whole bunch of other goodies that are going to make? You look and feel fabulous. I will be sharing those so do come and join me, and I will put a link to the registration page for the workshop as well. So if you just want to secure your spot, I’m going to cap the number of attendees at 10 women so that it is intimate and awesome.
I’M going to have a makeup artist there as well who’s going to make you feel fabulous for your new portrait photo, and it’s just going to be a wonderful day of connecting with your true authentic confidence self. So I’m so excited already for your future version of you and I would love to have you there. So get tagging get commenting down below and if you just want to secure your spot ahead of everybody else, then just go ahead and register right now and yeah.
That’S it. Thank you so much for joining me. Are there any questions Candace’s going to the bathroom together? Yes, we asked girls, we do that Helga. Thank you, you’re, a natural teacher. Thank You. Helga, that’s a kind and yes briny, don’t shave your legs. I will your enjoyable, you can attend the workshop, but because there’s going to be so many goosebumps, you know, and if you shave your legs, then you have the goosebumps, then the hair sprouts and all that shaving for nothing and in keep time we have to conserve Water, so we can’t be shaving our legs every day.
Yes, Candace! You can tag yourself twice. Let me know so: that’s it. For today I can’t 37 minutes. Look at that selfie high-five right there. I did not see that happening awesome. Thank you. So much for joining me. Let me know if you’ve got any questions for Wednesday’s Facebook live Janine Flint said I would like to join with Angie yeah. That would be awesome to have the two of you they’re, so awesome yeah.
I better cut this now cuz. You got to get your work done, go get your work done. I got ta go, get my work done. Okay, I will see you again on Wednesday. Have an awesome day, work on those five myths, I’ll post them, because my handwriting isn’t very neat so I’ll person. There have yourself a fantastic day: tap into your confidence, show app as your most confident self go out. There be significant make an impact.
Yeah just generally be awesome, see you again soon.
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